Saying NO won’t hurt, will it?

I’ve had many conversations surrounding this two letter word and sentence, ‘No’. It’s a simple, one syllable word that drives fear or anger into a few all of us at one point or the other. ‘No’ often evoke a feeling of rejection, sadness, in some cases anger, or other negative connotations. However, ‘No’ it is necessary in preventing overextension of your time, resources, and yourself. How can you pour from an empty cup?

I get it, trust me. The guilt. The fear of rejection. The fear of conflict. All of these emotions are nature and justified. Being the person that everyone looks to for solutions, for financial bail outs, and for emotional support is a hard task. A lonely task. A task that was not meant to be managed by the sentence, No.

“I don’t have the capacity”

Let’s practice closing the door of easy access and availability. Let’s try to monitor how much we take on so as to prevent being overwhelmed and drained.

How do I spare their feelings, while preserving myself?

In my limited experience in using my “No’s”, a few things typically happens. One, the person is visibly upset by my boundaries and accepts it. Two, the person is also visibly upset and verbally expresses their discomfort or disappointment. Three, they try to guilt trip or gaslight me into conceding.

I usually would have to chose one of the two. Do I please myself? or Do I please them? I often choose after saying a short prayer. I pray for discernment. Are they in need? or are they trying to use me? Do I have enough resources to help? Or will this further dig me deeper into a financial ditch. I ask my heavenly father to help me.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, And he shall direct thy paths"  Proverbs 3: 5-6 

I don’t always get that part right, but I try as best as I can to seek His directives first. Whenever I do, I feel less overwhelmed, less drained, and less irritated about hearing the same things over and over, or helping out ever so often.

How often do you say no? How do you deal with the feelings of fear and guilt when you do? Do you feel fear and guilt after saying no? Please share below.

Stay blessed,

Daydri